my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
