Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
