I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
