Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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