i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
