everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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