I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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