You're completely useless in the revolution.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize