I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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