Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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