the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
