when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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