Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
