i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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