Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
