if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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