you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize