Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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