you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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