Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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