Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
