Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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