Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
