I'm going to jail i love you
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this just has baby written all over it
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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