So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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