the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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