i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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