The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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