now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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