We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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