Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize