I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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