u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize