We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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