I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
