no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
