i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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