i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
