I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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