but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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