In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
