i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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