Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
