dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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