Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
