I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
