he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
