Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
