At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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