it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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