Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
