Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
