Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
