I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
