I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
