Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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