I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
