toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
