so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
