tell your sister to shave her snatch
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize