i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
