So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
