Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
