We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
