Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
