it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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