I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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