Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
