So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
