you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He passed out mid-signature
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
