Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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