There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
