What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
