You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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