I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
