Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
