Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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