worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
