I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
