Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
