Sponge bath it is.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
