we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sorry about my life...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
