I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
